Star Signs, Black holes and Reading Between the Lines.

Rumpology, or the art of derrière divination, is a cheeky pseudoscience we can get behind.

Derived from the English word "rump" (meaning, well, your rear end) and the Greek "logia" (study), rumpology is like a palm-reading for your booty. Much like a face-reader analyze’s facial features, rumpologists take a peek at the posterior, examining the folds of a person’s peach along with their dimples, warts and moles. They believe that your tush tells tales, just as a chirologist thinks your palm lines reveal your fate. 

Rumpology is a newly coined term, a"neologism”. Amusingly, it was Jackie Stallone, Sylvester Stallone's mother, who coined and practised this dark hole art. According to Jackie, the left cheek reveals your past, and the right cheek unveils your future. She also stated that "The crack of your behind corresponds to the division of the two hemispheres of the brain."

Jackie claimed that this (somewhat questionable) practice has ancient roots, allegedly performed by the Babylonians, Indians, and Ancient Greeks and Romans. Apparently, people have been checking out each other's rears since way back in the day.

Sandra Amos, UK’s only rumpologist to date has appeared and peered on several talk shows to reveal celebrities' futures and personalities. She’s even correctly guessed British celebrities by their bums only! This is a psychic fad we can get around. Out with astrology and in with rumpology.

Sandra claims that a round bottom indicates a person who is open, happy, and optimistic. However, if your bottom is flat, she says you might be rather vain, negative, and sad. 

Flat, bouncy, tiny, grande, fuzzy, we celebrate all the kinds and believe every bum should be free, appreciated and loved. We would, however, like to hear what Sandra has to say about a certain purple rump.

According to Sandra, the Greeks used to use rumpology to determine the strongest soldiers. The king would say, "We’re going to read that soldier's bottom—is he good for the job or not?" Sandra believes it’s the shape of the bottom and the vibrations or energy around it that help her predict the future. She says, "I just look, I wouldn’t touch," but not all rumpologists work this way…

Ulf Buck, the blind German clairvoyant and rumpologist from Meldorf, Germany, claims he can see your future by feeling your naked buttocks. Fondly known as an "asstrologer," Buck spent years training his fingers to read rears. What started as a small circle of brave friends has ballooned to include many prominent people, including a stockbroker who apparently invests based on his butt readings. Buck believes that an apple-shaped, muscular bottom means you're charismatic, dynamic, confident, and creative—a person who truly enjoys life to the fullest. On the other cheek, a pear-shaped bottom suggests you're steadfast, patient, and down-to-earth. 

Open mind, open hole people, but we think we’ll pass on being fondled by the asstrologer.

Stay tuned for a cheeky peek into Sally’s ring of fire soon!